Feet forward.
Head faces technician.
Clamp comes down presses hard. They were
lovely, some said,
a pair of violent lotuses rising from a pond,
my brown existence. I was young,
luscious, some said.
How many women (and men) paid good money
for such benefits? Some asked.
I laughed (as we do taking a gift for granted.)
The premature infant was nurtured on those breasts.
Lay flat, face down, Ma’am.
Let the breast hang through the opening.
(Something pushes down, sharp cut. Later,
confirmation.)
I saved my own life, the surgeon said,
having a routine exam. She left most of what now
I no longer show off.
Pain,
constant.
Bone density and memory losses last.
I celebrate each birthday, every anniversary counts.
Time moves on.
.
Five years pass,
new dull throb,
same breast.
Feet forward.
Head faces technician.
Down comes the clamp.
Take a seat,
Wait. We’ll call you. Wait.
Have a nice rest of your day, Ma’am.
Go home now. Wait.
Don’t think of what.
Water the crocuses. Make dinner plans.
Take deep breaths, Stay cognizant of how easy they come today.
Ana Castillo is a celebrated and distinguished poet, novelist, short story writer, essayist, editor, playwright, translator and independent scholar. Castillo was born and raised in Chicago. Among her award winning, best selling titles: novels include So Far From God, The Guardians, and Peel My Love like an Onion, among other poetry: I Ask the Impossible. Her novel, Sapogonia was a New York Times Notable Book of the Year. In 2014 Dr. Castillo held the Lund-Gil Endowed Chair at Dominican University, River Forest, IL and served on the faculty with Bread Loaf Summer Program (Middlebury College) in 2015 and 2016. She also held the first Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz Endowed Chair at DePaul University, The Martin Luther King, Jr. Distinguished Visiting Scholar post at M.I.T. , among other posts. Ana Castillo holds a Ph.D., University of Bremen, Germany in American Studies and an honorary doctorate from Colby College. Her most recent titles, Give it to Me (a novel) and Black Dove: Mamá, Mi’jo, and Me (personal essays/memoir) received LAMBDA Awards. In 2018, Dr. Castillo received the PEN Oakland Reginald Lockett Lifetime Achievement Award.